Caregiver Corner
| Did You Know? |
| Between 20% and 40% of caregivers care for children under age 18 in addition to taking care of an older, disabled adult. |
Dear Caregivers,
In the July/August, 2007 issue of AARP magazine, there is an inspirational article on coping with chronic illness written by Edward Readicker-Henderson, entitled “Magical Living”. The author describes his search to find meaning in his life despite the constant pain and uncertain prognosis he faces living with both a chronic heart condition and Crohn’s disease. This inside look at one man’s search provides valuable insight that can help all of us as we face aging and illness.
Readicker-Henderson begins by recounting many miserable years spent raging against his illnesses, which he describes as “a species of chaos”. People who loved him “put up with me, giving me their strength when I had no strength of my own.” But his constant anger and unpredictability made everyone around him miserable. Readicker-Henderson began to realize that such unbalanced relationships could not continue indefinitely. And yet he “could not stop fighting myself or the world, because nothing I did to fight the disease worked.”
His desperation led him to make a trip to reconnect with his childhood roots and the beauty of nature in Alaska. It was during this trip that he made a life-altering discovery. The moment in which this occurred was seemingly nothing extraordinary; it involved simply the kindness of a stranger and the sighting of a whale in the ocean. But his sense of gratitude at the kindness of another human being and the grace of nature was an epiphany. It was at this moment he realized he had a choice: he could either be bad at trying to be the person he’d been before he got sick, or he could figure out who he was now and learn to be good at that.
For Readicker-Henderson, this involved “letting go” of all the fear, anger, sadness and loss that he’d been consumed with for years. His attitude shifted. He was able to resurrect the generosity of spirit that had been buried and extend it to others as well as to himself. He stopped overanalyzing and began to just listen to his body, accepting that he would have good days and bad days, but that the more attention he paid, the more he enjoyed everything. Incorporating this new attitude in his life made a world of difference, even though nothing about his illness itself was changed. His wife told him, “Being sick made you human.” It made him go more slowly, make everything matter, accept any day for what it was, good or bad, and take what gifts he could from it.
Readicker-Henderson’s experience is unique for him, but its message applies to each of us as a part of the bittersweet experience of being human, we all face aging and possible illness. There is always a struggle to hold on to what is being lost. We can grieve our losses and move on, or we can stay stuck in fighting ourselves and the world. The choice is up to us.
--Reprinted from: Pima Health System - Community Services System, Caregiver Education and Support Program, Community LINK Newsletter
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Website Editor: Jan E. Sturges, M.Ed, LPC - Website
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Jan Sturges, M.Ed, LPC unless otherwise indicated.
